Time z a tickin

The days are winding down. I knew this year would come to an end. But it feels so quick. My little man has changed so much in 10 and a half short months. All I hear these days is "mamamamama" at varying volumes. As annoying as it gets sometimes it melts my heart. Today I thought he figured out that mama was me, as he yelled it when i left the room for a sec and he wanted more food and when he reached up to be picked up. But when dad came home he was mamamama too. He motors around the furniture not brave enough to take a step out on his own. He gives me the brightest smiles and seems to love playing with me as much as I love playing with him. He's waving bu bye and peekaboo has gone from covering his face with a blanket to completely leaving the room and coming back and how could i ever not give that face an enthusiastic "there you are!" He's attempting to stack the blocks but gets annoyed and just shoves them in the general area and lets me do the rest. He loves to throw the ball back and forth and play mini sticks to both his parents great delight, and he is finally taking interest in books. (Although it is entirely exhausting making outrageous enough voices to keep his attention.) He spend less time ripping the cat and more time laying his head on her soft fur and cuddling her and although the cat tolerates it, she seems to like it just as little.

I know everyone probably feels like they love their child or children more than anyone else could possibly love their children, but I also feel that way. I feel like I'm even afraid to have another because I love this little boy so much how could I possibly love another this much? I am glad we have it in us to Love our Children so much. It is a gift from God. I have loved this year more than any year of my life.

These days as I apply for new jobs, have had interviews and start to think of working again, I am excited but sad all at once. It is going to be a juggling act, and my energy will be other places besides my child. There will be things I won't be there to witness and days I won't spend with my boy which makes me sad. But on the other hand is that River will learn some independence, he will make some friends, and he will see that his mom is working to make others lives better too. I hope he will appreciate that one day. I hope he will see that his mom works hard, and that mom and dad help pay for things he enjoys in life. I am lucky enough to have the luxury of part time work, and I hope he learns that it is a luxury. Some families have mom's that don't have to work outside the home, while other families don't have the choice of one parent staying home or even working part time. I hope he learns that his dad makes many sacrifices so that we have this luxury. That he would be staying home to play with him in a heartbeat if it were mom that had the business, and he often wishes it were so. I hope he knows that his dad loves him just as much and probably misses you more. I wish daddy could have stayed home this year too. Or that I could have gone back to work early so he could have a few months to spend with you. It just wasn't possible. Thankful for being Canadian and not American for my year with my baby. US you should follow our lead.

But as I go back to work I am taking on a new job. A Critical Care Nursing course and then a job in the Intensive Care Unit. It will be challenging but it has been something I have been wanting to do for a long time. After a year off of work you feel like you don't remember anything, but after an interview last week I had some confidence given back to me. To have my future manager, an expert in the critical care field tell me that it seems like I "have it together" and that he "can already tell that I have all the attributes that he is looking for" really gave me a boost, and made me excited to start this new direction in my career. But it is bittersweet.