New Mom, New Baby

New Mom

I heard the phrase that someone was a "new mom" today and it got me thinking... I am one of those. Not that mom's who have had time elapse since the birth of their first child are any less important. In fact, if having children is anything like being married, where being newlyweds was great, but I must say everything is soooo much better now. Almost 7 years later; a deeper love; a stronger bond; more memories; truly like a fine wine. One place where time is my friend. If having children is like this than being an "old mom" will be even better than being a new mom! But still hearing this today had me reflecting on the term.

Its all about firsts. First trips to Costco :) First smiles. First time sleeping through the night (on grandma P's watch mind you, not even mine.... maybe thats because she's an "old mom" with experience;) First time to Oma & Opa's to be babysat, first time to the swimming pool etc. For each new child there will be these firsts for them, and it will still be a first for me and that child, but for me as a mom trying all these things...it is the first ever for me. A truly "new" experience. Never again will I not know how to work a breast pump, will I want to attend a car seat clinic, a prenatal class so I know what labour is all about, a hospital tour, or chat to all my friends about various diaper brands, or hound them incessantly to describe in better detail the exact feeling of a contraction. I will know. Of course things will still be new, and there will still be lots to discuss and debate, but a lot will be "old" news.

New Baby

Its funny how people react to a new baby. The joy and interest it brings out in people. The stories. The opinions. The love.

A grandpa in line at the grocery store telling of his 9 children. In fact its amazing how many people talk to you about your baby at the grocery store! "O that's a new one!" "I remember when mine were that little!" Little children, "look at the baby mom, why is he sleeping?" "How old is he? 5 weeks? You should be at home in bed! lol" "My daughter/ or insert person there, just had a baby, he/she is blank age..." I love this. Besides the fact that I am an incredibly proud mom, or mommy, (no I don't really like how mommy feels, mom it will be i think?) I love how a baby brings out the best in people. Its a common bond between all people. When I walk around pushing my stroller I often feel like I live in some small town where everyone knows everyone with all the smiles that come my way. Its a beautiful thing!

Dead Poet's Society

Dead Poet's Society was one of my favorite movies in high school. It probably still is but I haven't watched since. It was in the Jill's Picks section of the movie store i worked at in high school. Its one of those really inspiring, reaches right into your heart kinda movies. I cry my eyes out in movies pretty easily, but only a few very memorable ones are the kind that not only make me cry, but move me so much that i am bawling.. no, wailing and gulping for air loudly. So much so that my mom gets out of bed in the middle of the night to see what's wrong. This movie did that. This isn't bad. It feels so good to feel that much!

Why am I writing about this? I often read friends quotes on their blogs. I just love them and think geez, where do people find all these wonderful quotes? I wish I could just pull a few out of the back of my head. So I was thinking. This was one that came to mind. And its from this movie.... But by a famous poet.

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself"

D.H Lawrence

I don't know what it was about this poem that really gets me; that has me remembering it a decade later. But I know through a lot of hard times I thought of this and knew it could be worse. It also helped me to push harder, to quit complaining and to know I could do better, do more, and be positive. It inspired me. Cheer's to poetry, and quotes!

A Milestone

River has been hangin' with us in the world now for FOUR WEEKS! That's kinda a big deal. Four weeks also comes with a few pretty big landmarks according to me.

One. River made his first trip to his cabin. His first trip to the lake. (Never mind that the cabin had been broken into which we discovered upon our arrival and we momentarily feared for his life.....) He still got to go for a walk to the store and meet Mr. Logan, have morning coffee on the deck and meet all the neighbours. And he didn't cry once on the way. Kinda a big deal... kinda.

Monumental event number Two. River slept 4 hours three times this weekend. Twice at night which was a gift. And once during the day. (Never mind that he spent an entire day after feeding every 1 to 2 .5 hours where he guzzled for a few minutes either to pass out and refuse to eat any more or else then proceed to scream like a tortured child for the next hour.) Have to celebrate what we can .

Three. River slept in his crib. River likes his lake crib! (Never mind this was only during the day and never at night.. and it has never happened at home. its a start!)

Four. River grew out of his newborn diapers... and graduated to size one. (Tear) My boy is growing so fast! (no never mind for this one :)

And to top off his four week birthday.....

Five. River was circumcised on his 4 wk birthday... He was a trooper. But it was really hard for us!

So so much has changed these short four weeks its hard to keep up... It feels like we were just in the hospital yesterday. This first month or almost, has been so precious. I know I will forget with time and that makes me sad. I wish I could save these days as the most vivid memories in my mind. I can see why people want to repeat this over and over again.....To have this all over again... Although I am nowhere near wanting more kids yet! It feels like the days just fly by and I'm not sure I did much of anything. I wonder if I'm doing a good job. I wonder if he's ok. I wonder if I should be doing something different. I've been feeling so thankful I have my mom. I think of my mom not only growing up without a mom of her own, but also having babies without a mom to ask questions and have come to help in so many ways. I am so thankful for my mom. For my parents. For my husband...And all my friends and family who are just wonderful.

Life with River

Well I've wondered how to even begin to journal about all that has happened in the past 3 and a half short weeks.

These days have completely changed my life. And I don't want to go back.

Although I've heard every cliche' in the book, and knowing things would be different, until going through this experience of becoming a mom, I never understood. Not really. I won't even get into the labour, or the delivery, or the hospital experience..... All were different than I expected... and I really didn't have very many expectations... I felt totally unprepared (although I was probably way more prepared than most) and just went with the flow.... But it actually wasn't bad, compared to my imagination at least! Everything and everyone was more calm and happy than I had expected (including me......but that was 100% because of the epidural). Chris was amazing, and every single doctor and nurse was kind, supportive, and attentive in both labor and delivery and on postpartum... (minus one horribly awful lab tech) but does that count? I'm pretty impressed with RUH from my experience. I see a lot of the bad and negative aspects of everything at work, and I really only can say positive things; this is amazing to me. Although I felt terrible and went through more than I thought I was capable of, I can actually say it all truly paled when compared with what we got in return for all of this.

Being a mom.

I've been trying to find words to express what this means to me. All I can say is that I have completely fallen in love with my little boy! In the hospital Chris and I would just lie there and stare at him in amazement and awe, often in tears, with the little miracle that he is. And I'm sure like every parent, we feel he is just perfect.

His little hands that grab our fingers, his soft soft skin, his beautiful smell that I just want to bottle up and keep forever, his little expressions that already tell us that he is his own little person, sometimes so stubborn and entertaining that we know we are in for some fun times ahead. I am overcome with joy sometimes, especially in the quiet wee hours of the morning when I am so tired I can hardly open my eyes, but its just me and him on the chair in his room, him on the pillow that he has already learned is a comfort against his skin, and I feel like I want to give him everything, and protect him from everything. (I even walk toward busy streets when we're walking and some guy walking a dog turns down the street I'm on because I'm convinced he must want to steal him... Can you say crazy lunatic? What happened to the days I would think he wanted to hit on me or something?)

River loves to be held. Insists on it actually. Screams at the top of his lungs until he is. I've been wondering lately if this is a problem. He is held almost always and can't be laid down anywhere to sleep unless he has fallen asleep on our chest first. He almost always settles when his is placed against our chests. Its his favorite thing in life so far. They say its because he has lived close to me and hearing my heart beat for 9 months and this big noisy stimulating world takes a while to get used to. I realized these past few days that I am not going to worry if my son wants to be held. I absolutely love cuddling him! His quick and hot breath on my neck, his warmth, his head nuzzled into me... I am the luckiest! I cry just thinking that someday probably not too far away he will not want to be kissed and cuddled by his mom. So for now, I am going to sniff, and kiss, and hug, and hold my little boy.... and love every minute of it.....I'll worry about the rest later!

River is 3 and a half weeks old already. My tiny boy that was swimming in his newborn sleepers is now fitting them perfectly. My baby has chubby cheeks. It is the most obvious reminder that time is speeding by way to fast. That nothing lasts. Nothing stays the same no matter how bad you want it to. I want to cherish it all! Now if I could only sleep a few hours. Grandma is here tonight to give us a break.. we get to share a bed. who knew that would be such a luxury!

Here's a few pics of River and his favorite place to sleep. And us looking a little tired!

Thinking, Waiting, Wishing

When your doctor tells you on a casual Tuesday morning that your baby will be born "within 48 hours" it does something to you. Even though you know that she actually doesn't know and couldn't possibly predict such a thing unless she plans to surgically remove the child, it still makes you wonder. and panic. and get impatient. and hope. and make your mom feel guilty for being gone for the next 96 hours which means she will miss this event. Well its been about 74 hours since this prophesy and no sign of baby! My mom is on the long drive home so she will be here in time. With 4 days until due date it is all waiting. And being a child born 6 weeks early, I seriously never even fathomed the fact that I could quite possibly be OVERdue. I've had a suitcase packed for 6 weeks. hahaha that seems so foolish now!

But with all this waiting has been a lot of special times I'm glad for. I have been so thankful for the friends and family in my life and I've been able to cherish these last times with them as a non-mother. The last of life the way I know it!

This is a picture. We've had at least one meal with all sets of parents. Said goodbye to our sister. Had a friend we rarely get to see spend some days at our cabin with us. I had a date with my mom, spoke with an auntie I rarely see, called my grandma, celebrated a grandpa's 87th birthday, had lunch with a couple friends and their new little babies, had a walk and a movie date with a dear friend, had lunch and a cupcake experience with another, watched my basketball team's playoff game and visited after at the usual. (sure made me miss playing!), spent several afternoons catching up with my cousin and her not so little little one, visited a friend's new business, had a lovely email from a friend overseas, watched my man play hockey with some of my favorite girls that are bubbling with excitement for us, had company for supper, had many many 'could be our last date before baby" dates with my hubby, texted and talked with friends that in the bustle of life I just don't get to see. We have a full weekend with some couples planned that I'm so excited for I won't be too sad if the baby doesn't cancel those plans.

I feel at peace. A bit anxious, wondering when my baby will want to make its debut into life, but I am enjoying this slow pace of visiting and doing things just for me. Thanks for all the fun times everyone.

I know I have complained of being bored..... But actually, when I think about it......I have a full life and I'm pretty lucky.....Come when you're ready baby.....Until then I'm going to stay happy.

And don't worry dad, mom, momma P., we will NOT Forget to call you when things start happening!

neither here nor there

Well. Not much to report. 11 days until due date. Doctor says things are looking good but really it could be weeks, although it could also be in an hour. I definitely don't like not knowing. However, not having to work and knowing that I don't have to for a year is the coolest feeling! I have absolutely no stress. I nap when I'm tired. I have time to just take it easy. Today I went and watched a mom and baby salsa dancing class my cousin goes to. O I can't wait to do that class. It is absolutely hilarious. It should be a commercial or something. I wish I had a camera. 20+ moms with little babies slung on their chests bobbing around. I have never seen anything like it! The babies LOVED it! Some motored their legs like they were driving a bike in the air. The music and the little rattles or maracas banged to the floor and were picked up constantly, babies giggled and shouted, some slept, and NONE cried. The music and the movement and all the things to look at had these kids tickled! I just can't wait for stuff like that. Well I think everything is in order. We're packed. We've done classes. Stuff is set up. I baked muffins and made soup one day and made lasagna's yesterday. No I don't feel a "nesting" urge.... I just forced myself to cook. Life is at a stand still. I walked with some girls this week and it was the first time I had something like contractions that were significant. Chris says don't do that at least until Monday because of stuff he has to do yet at work before taking some time off..... lol..... If only we had a say in this!

First comes love.... then comes marriage.... then comes?

WOW TIME FLIES!

There is so much to look back on, considering the last post I made was now over 1 year ago. I can't begin to encapsulate an entire year in a simple blog post. But there is one amazing reason to begin blogging again. This little life inside that we get to meet any day now is the inspiration. Our trip to SE Asia was so rich with memories that we still sit and recount today, I am so glad I wrote about some of it as the details fade with time. At least the feelings inside are lasting. The feeling of fading memories has prompted me to try to get down at least somethings from this new beginning in our life. As Chris often says in excitement, "I can't wait.... we won't just be a couple... we'll be a family..." I tell him "our amazing little family is just growing bigger!"

Baby Popplewell can come any day now, and I realize that I have so much more of a control freak nature than I ever knew, as the prospect of not knowing when or how this "experience" will go down causes me much anxiety. I have prepared and contemplated for this child more than I have for anything; totally contrary to my behaviour up until now in my life. It makes me wonder what kind of parent I will be. I thought I may be the one that forgets her child in the car..... but then I have had exactly 6 undershirts that the baby packing for the hospital list calls for.... like if having only 5 of them would mean something tragic......I think that a whole new part of me is showing itself and will bring many surprises....Not sure if they will be good or bad..... But this child will be LOVED nonetheless!

I still remember back in July having to show Chris a test that actually said "pregnant" because the "plus sign" test was a little too faded for him to be certain! It's been amazing to see excitement grow in him along side my growing belly. How he really listens to all the things we learn. Hearing about colostrum and the benefits of breast milk has him all geared up for breast feeding and it has totally surprised me but i find it sooo cute! Seeing him patch walls and put together the room. Sitting patiently and debating things that are really pointless in the grande picture but to me are vitally important at the time (fabric colors on a stroller lol) shows me in new ways how he can love me. He is a great dad already! Seeing the ultrasounds has been the coolest thing ever....I can't wait to see if this little person really has big lips like we think!

I could go on forever..... Its hard to think of anything else these days as my body has new aches and pains that remind me each waking day...and my plethora of baby dreams remind me every sleeping night (well more like sleeping hour between pees these days):) I just hope the baby is healthy..... So many people are waiting to love you... Welcome to the world soon!